Maybe You’re Working Too Hard
It’s August. I’m listening to Christmas songs again. Something about bells and piano bring me back to myself. As in, back to a person without any thoughts and feelings except for those of my own. When I get here, it makes it easier to be sincere. I do this because I want to discover more about my world before I jump back into the pits of work and pressure. Before I look for a reason to be proud of myself, I want to know why I need to be.
It’s not despair that brings much revelation or thought. Rather it’s in the quiet moments that follow. Today, I tried to notice things that I usually don’t. I found that I’m not much of a thankful person. Despite any handicaps I may adopt or boast of, there is a fact that levels them all. I have my health, and I have time. Everyday there are a few hours I’m free in which I could dedicate myself to good food, friends, and writing. Well, I live like a free man–that’s what I’m trying to say–that I am a free being in that I speak and act on my own behalf. With all the choices I get to make in this life, I’m always invited to make more each day I wake. Better ones.
Knowing all that I’ve been given, I can’t help but feel the weight of authority and expectation, of God (that Guy). How dare You make it so easy for me? What do You expect me to become, to accomplish? Behind these questions, I know my appreciation is lost and it returns to something bitter. What if I am not what You created me to be and this life You put so much magic into was just a waste of time? It’s not enough that You believe in me until I do.
Makes me think about whether it is the journey or the destination that is important.
Always a good question.
“It’s not enough that You believe in me until I do.” Favorite sentence from this post because it just goes to show that it’s YOU that gives yourself permission to let God do his work in your life– to fulfill His purpose in you (not that he isn’t already). It’s all about compromise! I think He’ll be showing you in the next few years how worthy you really are and how it’s time you start believing it, too. I love you.
Compromise–that’s a tough call but a good one! Man I love you too.
i remember reading something like: a man makes his own plans, but God gives him his steps
i also think it’s the people who walk with you on your journey that matters
thats Proverbs 16:9. or as I like to think of it: the story of my life.
David,
I haven’t heard from you in a while! Hope that “story of your life” is going well so far. Thanks for the heads up on the Proverbs and hope we could talk more
oppah (john),
I want to do more of that–experience the people around me. Takes someone willing to risk loss (of disconnect, of trust) doesn’t it? But I remember you telling me this, and I’ve tried to keep it in mind since
did u take this shot? an awesome shot it is.
Yes, I did! Thank you. I hope to take beautiful pictures though I know very little when it comes to the technical details of photography.
im sho u gon be juss fine. ( I am sure you will be just fine). haha. look forward to your next photo(s).
Ms. Koh; I’ve found myself in tears a couple of times tonight. A rare bout of sleeplessness led me to your site thru twitter, and now I don’t want to sleep, but to ingest more of your ruminations. Your introspection and ability to express your thoughts is inspiring and compelling. So glad you chose to continue your education and become who you are. Allow me to say, “Thank you!” from the bottom of my heart.
Dear Ken,
Thanks so much for taking the time to read the posts and comment. Woke up in a bit of a rut and reading your comment has suddenly brightened my day. I may even say that this is exactly why I continue to blog –to connect with other writers and maybe gauge a reaction to learn from each another. I’ve got miles to go.
Angela