On Brothers
If there was an alliance or a freebie card that God slipped into my hands before birth–it’d be an older brother. I didn’t recognize this until there was nothing left, only this card. I’m having some trouble here. You see, I scarcely talk about my brother. And for those who have one, who are one, would find this reasonable.
No matter how much we age, he’d lived more than me in the most similar circumstances (environmentally, biologically). To me, his word was final not because he was exceptionally loud, but because his word conveyed the world I’d face. He walked, broke his bones before I did. So there was always something to learn and be afraid of. Though he was particularly cruel with his bullying antics in my childhood, I think I was scared for other reasons. I believed he had a right to despise me. My parents reminded, “he’s had it worse” and even he must feel—he was a child faulted for being one and had thus grown to be an adult prematurely.
The whole way, I’d felt sorry for myself watching him (things I’d have to endure but never came). Like a worn broom he cleared my footpath. By the time it was my turn, I had little to bear. Evidently, I had had a childhood at all. When my parents blanked, lost me in a wonder park, it was my brother to find me huddled by the cobblestone street. I realized it’s not him that scares me. It’s what I imagine: a boy having to find his own way back to his lost parents. And most selfishly, what I would’ve done without that boy having suffered so.
that footpath isn’t easy too clear
I’m sure your sisters will find that out soon enough
to*
As an older brother who lost his younger brother, I absolutely relate to this piece. There aren’t many stronger alliances, not that I’ve experienced.
Dear Sky,
I’m sorry for your loss. I’m sure your brother knows the blessings we share as younger siblings of admirable brothers. Even more, to have an older brother like you who understands and relishes this connection (one that surely cannot fade).
Angela
You know I have been publishing my paperback “Earthprobe” on my Imhotep Construction Company blog. On the SAME day I published my account of a trip with my brother Joe to Joproken in Africa years ago (last week) I received an old photograph from him–the IDENTICAL picture I had used in the “Earthprobe” years before.
He does not follow my blog and had discovered the photo with some stored family things which were rescued by his insurance company from a flood in his Michigan house and just decided to mail it to me!
Such a bizarre coincidence!
Everything you have said about big brothers is true. Good Big Brothers are cosmically hard to find–but I found one!
Perhaps and your brother are similarly linked somehow. Souls which touch are never far apart. TW
Hey Thomas,
I can’t believe out of all things, this photo was rescued by his insurance company. Maybe it emphasizes how special “Earthprobe” is in addition to how “souls are never far apart.”
Thanks for coming by again. I always appreciate what you have to say. You should put up that picture sometime. It’s an inspiration.
Angela
Thanks again for your comments about “Earthprobe”. I WILL put that picture up!
Brothers sometimes light the way
Even when they feel too lost to pray
What else is there to do or say
When nothing else will do today
There’s no other card for them to play
Their love for you does make them stay
Yamabuki
Dear Yamabuki,
Thank you for sharing. Glad you could drop by!
Angela
I had stumbled on this Blog by accident. Reading this was such a pleasure! A piece of writing that has touched me so viscerally as nothing else has for years.
My brother is five years older than me. When we grew up we had nothing. We knew no English and our parents were refugees. He went to school and learned everything and laid it all before me. His average knowledge stood as benchmark for me to rise above him. He always strove to do his best and push me to surpass him.
He also never once let my parents practice corporal punishment to correct my mistakes. Most would think that was an ill decision but it was through his act of mercy I learned love. He worked so that I could have what ever I wanted so that I could.
Older brothers.
“And most selfishly, what I would’ve done without that boy having suffered so.”
Your artistically rendered prose is an eloquence so greatly appreciated. I’ve booked marked this page for future flash-digests. For what ever that means to you from an ambiguous anon-reader.
Hi Justsomeone,
I wish you left your name or website so I can greet you/keep in touch. But thank you for stopping by and especially for sharing the relationship between you and your brother.
It’s a beautiful comment to read and adds wonderfully to the post–which ultimately exists to convey the value of having an older brother.
I hope you stop by again soon. I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Best,
angela