If You’re On The Same Page
Something very common I assume. My expectations were simply not met. Growing up, and seeing what the big world could be for me (and the other way around) is not much. I think, I thought I was special, and maybe I would have a unique ability to save the world and die for love and leave great children behind. That there was always a ‘good guy’ or a ‘direct and pure, shining goal’ to work towards. And in this, I am very helpless. I console myself by going back to when I simply didn’t know what I wanted to do. When I was ‘kind of good’ at everything. Before I felt life was an RPG game, and the winner just needed to spike their abilities to the extremes (like Vegeta). Use the set institutions and resources around me as tools to further myself. But now I stare into the screen with such a resolute and predictable future and income, I’ve become a small screw in the clockwork (take it as you will). Had I not been in control this whole time.
How unnatural of this world to take the human expectation (to evolve in love in mind through faith, hope, and charity, instilled into the soul before even birth), and have this expectation driven into the deep recesses, to be cast off like child’s play, calling it immaturity, and reificating the experience into “growing up.”
I look at my life lines and think, is it okay to be such a jealous, overzealous, analytical, critical person. And how long does one live, thinking this way (too long)? But I won’t stop, see I can’t because I still am helplessly that child looking for a goal but. There is no stop or rest or breathe or sleep or walk or lean. Because there are promises I made to the people I love, and at least to them, I could be a woman of my word, if not much else.
very good post. i would share the last 3 paragraphs with many
zzzzzzzzzzzzzz
I am on the same page.
i really like the emotion in your writing. you have the ability to bring people in. good work!
be radical and dont let yourself fade into mediocrity.
damn, I haven't even finished reading this one and I had to comment…Angela, Great title, I am completely certain many of us were hooked at "If you are on the same page" !!! …because, well literally, if we are reading this, we are all on your web blog (or PAGE) and, metaphorically, that is probably 'why' we are all here! I just have to say what a fantastic line it is when you say, early in the piece, that you (paraphrasing) "always thought you would have a unique ability to save the world, die for love, and leave great children behind." Yup, I'm on that page.Stunning. You got all of it there. If the piece ended there, I would get it. But I'm sure you feel the rest is noteworthy, too, and it seems John Koh would agree…so back I go to read on!!m poet
exact same page…male version…was once "kinda good" at everything, still searching for that goal to focus on…the great plight of the writer/philosopher perhaps? What to DO when one truly desires UNDERSTANDING….?m poet